The Power of 23

23 has been a powerful number to us since we lost Sawyer & Tristan at 23 weeks gestation.

23 weeks 0 days marked the beginning of the end of our innocence in many ways.. it was the last day of my pregnancy, the first of 6 days with my sweet Sawyer & Tristan and the end of my joyous pregnancy.  It was the end of our carefree joy and the beginning of our painful "new normal."

Today, Trae and I are taking a leap of faith and trying to change the power of 23 in our lives.  Today is a good day filled with bittersweet tears, but hopeful tomorrow's.  Today Trae and I find ourselves pregnant again: 23 weeks 0 days pregnant with our 3rd and 4th children.  Yes, God has blessed us with twins, again.. this time, daughters due to make their arrival in late February.

This pregnancy has been significantly different than my pregnancy with the boys. Physically, I feel better overall- not as uncomfortable with the back & hip pain that I was experiencing with the boys, but I think largely this is due to my physically conservative pregnancy with the girls.  Although my permanent cerclage is in place and will not allow my cervix to shorten, Trae and I have taken extra precautions to alleviate any unneccesary pressure from my body during this time, so all it has to do is grow healthy baby girls.  I still work full time at March of Dimes, but watch my hours on my feet and make sure I'm comfortable throughout the day.  Trae has taken over most household duties, even vacuuming when I've asked, and now takes the dogs on all the walks by himself.. something I miss doing with them, but will look forward to resuming with the girls in a few months.

We now have 2 doctors watching our progress.. my new OB, Dr Reue and our Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist (High Risk Doctor) Dr. Berry.  In the first trimester, we were seeing our OB every 2-3 weeks and our MFM every 3-4. Since 20 weeks, we see our OB every week and my MFM every 3 weeks.  We get to see the girls and their growth progress every 3 weeks at Dr Berry's office and Dr Reue checks my symptoms, cervix and blood every week.  Trae attends every appointment with me and we feel very blessed to have two doctors so committed to the health of our pregnancy and baby girls.

Despite all the positive signs pointing to a successful physical pregnancy, this has been an extremely challenging time for us & our family both mentally and emotionally.  We all feel blessed for the opportunity to be parents again.. and to twins again!! But knowing the conclusion of the "what if's" is a scary thing.  Also, knowing that while Trae, myself and our Doctors will continue to do everything we can to be proactive .. that we are not really in control, is a scary thing.

While we do not believe that we are given a specific "plan" by God that we are living daily.. we do believe in God's larger plan- which is to live a life guided by our Lord and to ultimately spend eternity with him after our life on earth is complete.  This is the plan that gives us hope, knowing that our life on earth will be spent trying to expand our family, in God's loving guidance... and knowing that when this life is complete- all the joys and pains that have come with it.. we will be with all our family & children.

Today is a good day, a blessed day.  Today is the end of the negativity that comes with 23 weeks 0 days and the beginning of our healthy pregnancy with Sawyer & Tristan's sisters.  (names to be kept a secret until they are born)

We thank you for all your prayers for our family- we promise to keep you updated on our progress!

Love, Cyndi & Trae